Latest Ullans Ulster Scots column - Gowfin’

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Noo this wee province o oors haes pit forrit mair nir its share o wurl cless golfers.

If fect better nir that wae hae tha name haein tha wurls nummer yin in tha form o Rory Mc’Ilroy naw forgettin tha Porthush man G Mac wha is nae goats toe ether an haes made a name for himsel a ower tha globe.

Tha game itsel sprung frae Scotlan an wae that in mine A thocht it wud bae a gran an dandy tae let yese see a wee rhyme frae aroon tha year 1906 scrieved bae an author unknown tae me. It wus printed in tha North Antrim Standard an as yese kan see it is in tha guid oul Scots tongue


Jist look at my bonnie wee bag o’ sticks/An’ my tackety pair o’ shoon/The auld suit wi’ the holes intilt/An’ my face that’s nice and broon/You can see the health stickin’ out o’ my een/I cud eat eat even on/I wis juist a fair footer a month ago/An’ noo I’m a pairfect don/At whit we wad kin’ o’ ca’ gowfin’/Gie the lea a bit daud, then look oot for the clod/That’s the principal thing at the gowfin’/I was awfu’ shakey aboot the knees,

I cud only read wi’ glasses/The doctor said that for fancy complaints/I wis yin o’ their foremost cases/In fact, I wis jist kin’ o’ hangin’ on/Wi’ a cough that wisna canny to bear/An’ a face like a soda scone/When I up and begood the gowfin’/Jist kin’ o’ amatuer gowfin’/Easy osy, ye ken, the short holes in ten/It’s a fine game is gowfin’

Ye ken you troubles they adverteese/ For tae mak’ ye buy their peels/Like a stab in the back, or a fire inside,

Or a scunnerin’ at your meals/I had them a’, and a wheen forbye/That the doctor’s couldna name/They were awfa’ chawed when I stopped their drugs/An’ took to the gowfin’ game/O man, I’m keen on the gowfin’/It’s the patent cure is gowfin’/I tell ye it’s grand to get back to the land/And lift it in lumps at gowfin’.

Aa fir noo. Keep it Ullans.

Tha Poocher Aagist 2015